I’m back!
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Uncategorized
So sorry that it’s been so long since my last post. I feel like life sort of got away from me. And since the move is done, I didn’t really know what to talk about!
Recently I had to work on my dad’s site, and it got me realizing how badly I miss web development outside of work. When I get home from work these days, I park myself on the couch and watch endless amounts of shows I have DVR’d. Always so, so sleepy and no energy or desire to do much on the computer except for Facebook games. Yeah, I’m addicted but – because of work – I can’t keep up.
Remember the last post that I made about my ex-friend named April? Well, in January we reconnected thanks to Facebook and have hung out a couple of times since. The really cool thing is that the first time we hung out, it honestly felt like 6 years had not passed since the last time I saw her. I missed her and it feels really good to know that that stress is dealt with and can be put to rest. =)
My grandma has had it rough since the last time I posted as well. She had to go to the hospital Christmas Eve because she had an irregular heart rate. She had yet another urinary tract infection (UTI). She gets those a lot lately. This one almost killed her. Literally. Thankfully she made it through and is doing better now.
Mallory and her family (baby daddy Randy and her daughters Lily [4] and Lucy [1]) moved into my apartment complex! It’s awesome having them near-by and I know it makes my mom feel a bit better about me living on my own too.
It looks like I’ve just about run out of things to say. I’ll try to start blogging more, just lately I seem to be in a little funk. Maybe I’ll explain that in another post…
Until next time…!!!
I almost sort of miss you
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Memories
I know that as you go through life, you meet people and you lose people. I get it. That’s a part of growing and changing. The people you lose were important in your life at that time, possibly because they’re good at handling traumatic situations and they are there for you. But it’s hard for me to cope with the loss of some friends. Well, one in particular.
I met April on the very first day of 7th grade. I walked into choir and there she was, just sitting there talking to some of the “popular” girls. When I looked at her, I knew she didn’t fit in with them but would fit in great with me. Our little joke was that I “saved her” from the popular girls. We had a lot in common: we were both awkward, we both loved Hanson, and we both loved choir. So we hit it off super fast.
We did everything together and I shared everything with her. For that, I miss her. In 8th grade we began writing stories, mostly Hanson fanfictions, and then in high school I began putting them online once I became obsessed with HTML and stuff. It was a great time in my life, and the best time of our friendship. Throughout high school, we were inseparable.
When me and Mallory got closer, I sort of turned into a “mean girl” and we kicked her out of our “group/band/whatever”. We didn’t talk to each other for about a week, but then she broke the ice and things went back to normal after I profusely apologized. I don’t know why me and Mallory turned against April like that, she had done nothing wrong. We were being stupid little 10th grade divas who had a singing group and didn’t think April was being serious enough about it (as if a 10th grader could be serious about anything).
Fast forward to after graduation, to when things became messy and stressful and just… petty. Soon after we graduated high school, April moved in with her boyfriend (who she had been dating since 9th grade). I was there for her when she told her mom, waiting outside in case she had to get away because of the backlash of waiting until the night before to tell her parents. That was in 2004.
In 2005, they planned to get married on their 5th year anniversary. The only bad thing was that I had a jaw surgery scheduled for the week after. The week before the wedding, I totaled my car. I was going from no car payments to having to make car payments with a below-minimum wage job. I had to work as much as possible leading up to the jaw surgery because I wouldn’t be able to drive for a month, and I had to save up for my car and cell phone payments.
I was 18, and she was hounding me about throwing her a bachelorette party. I wanted to, I genuinely wanted to. But I just couldn’t. I worked all weekend the weekend before and the weekend of her wedding (except for the day of the wedding). She denies this is the reason she won’t talk to me, but I honestly believe it is. Her mom-in-law wound up throwing her a party and me nor Mallory could go. Unforgivable? I figured she’d understand, what with my un-reschedulable surgery and all (I had to do it when I did so I wouldn’t miss any school — of course April didn’t get that, she quick college to get married and never went back).
They went on their honeymoon and when they got back, they [she and her husband] came by my brother’s house (which is where I was located – I believe it was Christmas Day). My mouth was wired shut at the time so my communication was via paper and pen. We made plans for her to come over one day the next week to keep me company and I was really excited about it.
So that day, I forget what day it was, totally unimportant, I waited. And I waited. And I waited. I think I called her at around 6pm. I was able to speak a little, without opening my jaws and mostly grunting. I asked her where she was and she said she decided to stay with her husband and go shopping instead. What? Not even a call? I’d known the girl, by this time, about 7 years, and she didn’t even bother to call me to tell me she didn’t want to come over? Unfortunately for her, I couldn’t talk and was getting really hurt and pissed and couldn’t breathe, so I had to have my mom come into the conversation and be the messenger for me.
Now she says that I’m selfish, that I don’t care about anyone but myself. Yes, I went through a selfish phase, everyone does – especially girls. But really? My mouth was wired shut and I wanted to spend some time with my “best” friend.
What got me thinking about April today? I figured I’d look her up on Facebook. Her page is pretty blank, but her husband’s is pretty full. They have a baby girl now who is a year and a half. She’s cute. It made me sad. I wanted to be there when she had a baby, I wanted to be there when they moved into a house and closer to town, rather than being an hour away.
I miss April. But honestly, would we have anything in common? The last time I saw her was April 22, 2006. Me and Mallory took April to get a tattoo and split the cost. And I’m selfish? She won’t talk to me anymore. Who is the petty one? Who still lives in high school?
My point is… I try to stay pissed at her so it doesn’t hurt so bad, but no matter what, I always have a place for her in my heart. I’ve done what I can to try to fix things and she won’t take the offer. But how do you move on when you still miss someone?
*sigh*
Packing begins!
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Moving
Yesterday I finally got to begin working on my closet. Let me explain something about that closet. I have 3 rails to hang clothes on. Up until yesterday, it was stuffed full to the brim, and the floor of the closet (it’s a walk-in) had bags, purses, shoes, and some clothes on it. So my sister-in-law [Meranda] came over and helped me tackle it.
We got a box for my summer shoes/clothes and a trash bag to put the clothes I’m donating in. The box was pretty large and the bag was one of those huge contractor bags.
Both got filled to the brim. So I’d say in the bag, there’s probably about 200 pieces of clothing. I already have a bag I need to donate, that I got out of the closet a couple months ago. So I’m getting rid of a ton of clothes. And the room in my closet is amazing. My camis are now hanging up on hangers instead of being shoved into a drawer.
Speaking of my drawers, we also went through my 4 drawers and packed up some stuff along with tossed some stuff. It’s super nice, I’m excited. I love the way my room is now set up and I can’t wait to start packing some more things. I think I’ll start with the top of my closet and work my way out. It seems like it’d be easier to manage than starting somewhere else.
I plan on selling all of my CDs since the ones I listen to are on my laptop now. Also I want to go through my books and sell some of them too. This is so exciting! =)
Impatiently Waiting
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Moving
I’m so not positive where this post is gonna go, so we’ll see. :)
All of the important stuff I need for my apartment is done… Electricity is set up, Cable/Internet is set up, renters insurance is set up, and my lease is signed. So what do I do now? I’ve still got 36 days until Moving Day. I think I’m too on-top of things for my own good. All that’s left is looking at furniture, which I can’t really buy because I need to save up for my move-in costs.
I’m so anxious. Besides the reasons my parents are driving me nuts, I’ve also become quite impatient with my commute in the mornings. I hate it. And I hate on the way home in the evening that everyone likes to drive all slow-ish. So not cool. Don’t they get that I don’t want to sit in my car after work? I wanna get home by then!
So I’ve got furniture (in particular a convertible couch and a dining room pub-style table) that I want off of Amazon. And all I can think about is that in 36 days, I will finally be my own person, I will be able to do anything that I want in my apartment and not have to feel like a child when I get home from work anymore because my parents won’t be there. It’s exciting, but I also find myself getting somewhat nervous about it as well. Why nervous?
I do enjoy living with my parents. It’s nice having Mom there if I start feeling sick to take care of me. It’s nice knowing that if I need some human interaction, I can easily get it. Plus, will I really like living alone? I spent a year an hour away in Denton for UNT, but wound up coming home every weekend because I was home-sick. In fact, I had transferred my job up there but wound up having to quit before my second shift because I just had to go home. I’m sure I’ll be fine this time around… right? I’m older and I’ve grown a lot. And I’m no longer dependent on a guy.
But another thing that’s going to be hard is that I’m not taking Zac. Zac is my 11-year old adorable 5 pound Yorkie. I’d love to take him but there’s a couple reasons why I’m not. Mostly it’s because I’m not sure how he’ll react to being uprooted and not having his own personal back yard. Also I think it’d be best to keep him with my parents since Mom is unemployed, so he’s used to her being home most of the day. Also he’s doing nothing but driving me nuts in the evenings after work, constantly barking and wanting in and out. So I’m ok with leaving him, even though I’m going to miss him a lot.
Plus, not taking him saves me $250 for pet fees, and $10 a month for pet rent. That’s a lot of money.
So I’m associating living alone with drinking a lot of wine. I don’t know why. But I want to make sangria and I want to learn to make my own pizzas and just cook in general. It’s going to be so much fun. And I can’t wait.
That’s pretty much what’s been going through my head lately, sorry if it is all jumbled. That’s how I feel!!
Reasons I Need to Move Out #2
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Rants
I know that my countdown is getting lower and lower, now at exactly 50 days until I pick up the keys to my apartment, but I still am having to deal with annoying things my parents do and it’s really beginning to become a problem.
- Monday night I was starving and hanging out on the couch in the living room at home. Mom just got up and came back with a plate of food. She didn’t bother saying “Dinner’s ready,” or anything. I was like “It’s ready?” and she said “Yeah.” Oh I jumped on her big for that. That really kind of hurt my feelings. My mom has never, in 25 years, not told me when dinner is ready! And suddenly she does, as if I’m not starving or anything. I don’t think I was overreacting about that, but it really did just… hurt.
- She went ahead and began watching and deleting shows on the DVR that I assumed she knew I wanted to watch. When I asked her about it, she said, “I didn’t think anyone else wanted to watch it.” That’s why you ask, don’t just assume shit that you don’t know for sure!! Two shows now that started this fall she’s done that to.
- Edited to be added: They opened my mail!! Grrr…
That’s about all I have right now. Thank god it’s only 50 days, because I don’t think I’d be able to take one more day over that limit of this shit. I’m so beyond done. And I can’t wait to be my own freaking person.
It’s happening!
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Moving
I haven’t posted in a while because all of my entries would have been the same. Here’s some updates!
I finally got to go look at apartments this past Saturday. Meranda told me not to get my hopes up and not to expect to find the one, she didn’t want to see me disappointed. We went to this one, which Allie has always loved, and Mer and me fell for it too! So here’s the info:
Property Name: Avalon Villas
Floorplan/Sq. ft.: A2/800 sq. ft. – 1 bed/1 bath
Move in: Tentatively set for Dec. 9 – might push til Dec. 16
That’s pretty much what I’ve got. The cool thing about this place is that it feels like a small town when you’re there. It’s not gated, (which I wanted), and it doesn’t have covered or even assigned parking (which super sucks), but I love the feel of the community, so that’s why I’m sticking with it. Also, the door isn’t like your average ugly apartment door. It’s an actual front door with a glass storm door, which is badass. And you walk in and there’s a little nook area directly in front, and then a stairwell to the side. That’s my own private stairway to my apartment.
I took some pictures of the interior of the one I looked at, but I haven’t had a chance to do anything with them yet. I keep forgetting that my work computer doesn’t have a card reader. I’ll try to remember to put them up tonight – if my head stops killing me. Who knows if that’ll happen or not.
So, December is the big day! I find it funny that everything keeps happening to me on December 9. In 2005 I got my piece of crap Saturn, in 2010 I got my kickass Mazda, and now in 2011 I’ll be moving!!! <3
Can’t get you outta my head
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Moving
The song by Kylie Manogue is a great song for this post, well, not just this post but the situation in general.
Once I get my mind set on something (happens with all the phones I get, my car, computers and laptops, etc.), it drives me nutso until I get it. So where is this post going?
MOVING!
Of course, you should know that by now! This is my newest obsession! I’ve got a spreadsheet with my money/budget. I’ve played with the numbers to know what I can and cannot afford. It’d be better if Allie hadn’t flaked out on me, but whatevs. I’ll make this work. And hopefully at my 1-year anniversary with Javelin I’ll get a raise! If I don’t get offered or given a raise, I’ll ask for one. I don’t know how that works, but I just hope they hand one over because the thought of asking for one just makes me all sorts of nervous.
So, I’ve also got a list of apartments I want to look at. There’s one in particular that I’m leaning towards and it cuts 10 miles off my commute! I just can’t wait for it to happen. I need to go look, but I don’t know when I will. I was hoping this weekend, but if Allie (I spent a whole Saturday helping her look for her apartment) and Meranda (offered to go if Allie can’t) can’t go, then it’ll have to be the 17th.
Unless Mom wants to go sometime next week (I’ve got a full week off coming up!!). But I just dunno how Mom is going to handle all this. I finally broke down and told her, because I was sick of this not being “real”. Telling her means that I’m serious about this. When I told her, she actually took it a lot better than I had expected. Her only concern was the one complex in specific that I want is still in Arlington and she feels like that’s not far enough away. I told her for my first place, I want to be reasonably close. Besides, I could’ve moved much more north, and then she’d never see me!
So that’s the update, and I’ll keep y’all updated!
Tough Decisions
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Moving
The thing I can’t seem to get off my mind is moving. When should I do it? How should I tell my parents? And where do I want to move to?
Allie decided that we will not be roommates, which is fine with me but I’m just a little bummed now. And I told myself a few weeks ago that if she ultimately said no, I’d probably stay with my parents until spring and then revisit the idea with her then. But now it seems that my parents are getting more and more annoying every day. I’m not going to go into how they annoy me, you can check this blog post for the reasons.
I’m going to use this blog post to list some things, mostly for me to try to make up my mind.
Why I shouldn’t move out (right now):
- Gym. I finally joined a gym, which is great. It’s super cheap and no-contract. The problem is, however, it’s in Arlington and that’d be a pain in the ass to drive there on a daily basis to use it. The apartment complex I’d probably be moving to, doesn’t have a gym. And, this gym doesn’t even open until October 1. So what do I do about that? Another solution to this: move more in the middle of home and work, so it won’t be so far.
- Mom’s stress level. This is probably something I should just discuss with my mom, or just not even take into consideration. I feel, though, that if I don’t discuss it, I’d be horrible and inconsiderate. She’s going through a lot of crap right now trying to handle my grandma’s estate and get her set up on Medicaid. Would me moving out cause her to have to up her dosage of Wellbutrin? Or would it not effect her at all?
- No furniture or washer/dryer. At the moment, all I’ve got is a crappy desk that I don’t want, a bookcase, a shitty dresser I don’t want, a huge entertainment center (not the type you’d put in the living room, IMO), and my bed. I’m not taking my current bed with me to the new place (this part I’ve already discussed with my mom), and most of the crap, I’d rather just trash. I don’t want antiques, I want a matching bedroom suit. I’m 25 and I shouldn’t have mismatched furniture. The apartment that I want has a study/den. Which is awesome, because I may not have a ton of furniture, but I sure as hell have a ton of shit. The den also has a closet in it, which is freaking awesome.
- Money — namely, loans. Right now I pay a lot towards bills. I spend a total of $1,100 on bills. That’s cellphone, 5 student loans, car insurance, and credit cards. Ridiculous. I’m going to consolidate my student loans, because that’s where half of that $1k goes. This would cut the payments from $500 to probably $200. Then after apartment bills (rent, electricity, cable, water) I’d have over $1,000 left so I could put half of that into savings, which for a while I suppose I’d be furnishing my bare-bones apartment.
- Lonely. I feel like I’d get really lonely and creeped out if I lived alone. I don’t know how I’d handle that. I don’t want the whole living alone thing to turn me into someone that’s depressed. But if I do move out, and into Allie’s complex, I’d be near her so I’d have someone.
So that’s about the reasons why I don’t want to move right now.
I just don’t know what to do. I think I need to just sit down and talk it over with mom and see what she thinks I should do. If I had enough room at home, I’d start purchasing apartment things (mostly kitchen stuff) and store them, but I have no room and putting things in storage costs a lot.
My indecisiveness is not helping this at all… :-/
Just some updates
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Uncategorized
A few things have happened since I last blogged, so we’ll see if I can update y’all on all of them.
Adam
So after running into him at the movie theater, I’ve been thinking a lot (again) about all of the crap I let him get away with doing to me. And I’ve been dying to know if I’d done the right thing by blowing him off. Well, I got a text from my rebound ex Derek who said he was at a pub drinking by himself when (surprise, surprise) drunk Adam walks in and sits down next to him. Adam apparently kept going on and on about what a loser he is (which is good he knows he is one!). Derek said Adam told him he was heartbroken that I was holding a grudge against him, which made my day! Adam also told Derek that if it weren’t for my parents hating him, we’d still be together. Derek’s response? He told him that my parents loved him (which is true) but we’re not still together. Awesome response, methinks.
Grandma
Memaw now knows that she’s staying in the nursing facility permanently and she’s ok with it, thank god. I feel major relief about it, too. We won’t have to worry about her living at home by herself anymore. We’re going to her house Sunday to help her go through her things so we can get ready to have an estate sale and then give her house over to the bank.
Freelance Work
I finally got rid of the salon, who were driving me nutso. I’ve pasted the email I sent below:
Burt & Shani,
I regret to inform you that I can no longer offer my services to Burt Grant SalonSpa. This is something that I have been thinking about for some time, so the decision was not reached lightly.
I’m unable to keep up with the site and the demands the site requires because of my full time job and the tasks that tend to follow me home from work and during the weekend.
Also, as I’ve mentioned before, my grandma’s health continues to go back and forth so I want to spend as much time as possible with her. My great aunt went from healthy to unresponsive within hours and passed a couple days later. That experience made me realize how valuable time is and with my grandmother going downhill at an alarming rate, I don’t want to risk losing time with her.
I’m really sorry that I had to make this decision, but I think it’s the right thing for me to do. The stress about my grandma, work, and freelance is just too much for me to handle at the moment. I hope that you are able to find someone else who is better at capturing the look and feel of BGS that I had issues catching.
Also, going back to the $300 in hair services I received, when Shani asked if I still owed it, it was midnight when I replied. I looked back at our emails and realized that I believe my obligations are completed. I added a photo gallery, met with Burt and Jessie, and also created a new design. I apologize for the confusion, but those things weren’t documented and with everything going on in life at the moment, they slipped my mind.
Once again, I’m really sorry that I had to do this. I know you’ll be able to find someone that can help you out and be more available than I am.
I appreciate your understanding,
Jennifer Cudmore
It feels really good to not have to worry about their stuff anymore. And it feels good to not be associated with people who practice crappy business ethics. I didn’t want to be associated with a company like that.
Moving
Something that I was expecting to be in the works would be me moving out of my parents house. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on with this, as I was hoping to be able to move in with Allie ASAP. Even though this was her idea, now that I’m seriously thinking about it, she wants to think about it too. Which I get, I totally do. But don’t mention it if you’re not serious. She knows how I get, I obsess if I fall for something (an idea, a car, a computer, etc.) and the fact that this is up in the air is just ridonkulous in my opinion. I don’t have the type of money I wish I had to be able to move by myself. And the thought of living alone, honestly, scares me a bit. Bills add up, and I’d only have a little over $600 if I moved in by myself somewhere. And is it bad that I don’t want to make my mom more stressed by moving? I know my mom, she’d probably have to up her dosage of Wellbutrin (anti-depressant) if I did that… But we’ll see what happens.
Didn’t expect to see your face
Posted by Jennifer | Filed under Rants
Last night Shawn and I went to Movie Tavern to see 30 Minutes or Less (which was pretty good, by the way… got kind of lame in the middle, but the end was awesome). I went into the bathroom as soon as I got there, and when I came out, I saw my ex, Adam, standing at the bar with some short, pleasantly plump chick. They were looking at me and I was looking for Shawn.
Shawn, of course, had to be on the other side of them, so they were standing in between us. My heart started racing as I speed towards and then past them. As I passed, I heard Adam trying to greet me, but I didn’t stop. When I got to Shawn, I kept my back towards Adam, and said, “Oh my god, Adam is here. He’s behind me,” under my breath to Shawn.
It really shook me up, I wasn’t expecting a run-in with the ex. I’m surprised it took a year and a half for it to happen, since his parents live in the same neighborhood as me. But I wasn’t looking my best and didn’t want to deal with him. I shook for about half an hour after the run-in.
Part of me regrets not stopping to warn his new girlfriend that he’s not the best when it comes to breaking up with people. The first time (of many) that he broke up with me, it was on Yahoo! messenger while he was at work. The last time, it was via phone. The Skanky Bitch he started dating after me, he broke up with her on Facebook relationship status update.
Before me, however, he broke up with girls by cheating on them. Such a stand-up guy.
I so wish I could just forget about him, but I feel like I’m constantly thinking about all of the crap I let him get away with. He was so verbally abusive to me that it honestly damaged me for a while. I’m finally more comfortable with myself and I know that he was bad, and that I deserve better.
I wish there was a button in my head or a switch in my head I could push or flip to make those memories not bother me as much as they do now.
